How many times have we heard of a ‘new low’, a ‘new nadir’ or a ‘lowest ebb’ in Erik ten Hag’s ill-fated Manchester United tenure?
More than 10, we can tell you that much, as we had to whittle down a longlist to come up with this selection of terrible performances.
10) Copenhagen 4-3 Manchester United (November 8, 2023)
We could easily have gone for the 3-2 home defeat to Galatasaray to sum up their tragic Champions League campaign, which featured some calamitous goalkeeping from Andre Onana to grant the Turkish side their first win on English soil in 11 attempts, but the defeat in Copenhagen pipped it by virtue of its pure Manchester Unitedness.
The Copenhagen tifosi must have felt a bit silly when less than three minutes after they unfurled their ‘Your Theatre Of Nightmares’ banner featuring a sleeping Red Devil, Manchester United scored a superb opener.
Rasmus Hojlund finished off a 29-pass move which perfectly combined The Ten Hag Way and the “direct” Manchester United DNA he kept banging on about at the time as the reason he was struggling to impart his Ajax ethos. It really was brilliant and when Hojlund added a second the sadists watching in the hope of United shenanigans may well have turned over. But This Is Manchester United.
Marcus Rashford saw red in the 42nd minute and by half-time it was 2-2. In narrative terms that was much more like it.
The defence looked nervy and poorly protected by a suspect central midfield and absent wingers. Yes, much more like it. There was no marking of any kind for Mohamed Elyounoussi’s goal. Nice. Then Harry Maguire conceded a penalty. Perfect.
Bruno Fernandes scored after the break and United again looked comfortable, but the narrative is all powerful and mistakes from Diogo Dalot and Raphael Varane sealed their fate against a team that hadn’t won a Champions League game in seven years.
9) Sevilla 3-0 Manchester United (April 20, 2023)
An away defeat to Sevilla, even a 3-0 defeat, doesn’t sound all that bad. They were European football specialists having won a record six UEFA Cup/Europa League trophies with four of those coming since United had last won the Premier League. And having beaten United here they went on to win it once again.
But context is required. When United rocked up to the quarter-final second leg having drawn 2-2 at Old Trafford, Sevilla were battling relegation and had their third manager of the season in the dug-out.
United couldn’t cope with Sevilla’s pressing – a tale as long as Ten Hag’s tenure – and it was probably this game that persuaded the Dutchman to further raid the Ajax treasure trove of ambiguous talent as David de Gea had an absolute nightmare.
8) Manchester City 6-3 Manchester United (October 2, 2022)
At least they scored three, right? Shame Anthony Martial’s two late goals were greeted by near silence as the vast majority of the travelling fans had long since departed the stadium.
Erling Haaland scored his third consecutive home hat-trick and Phil Foden bagged the other three in what was quite the bump back down to earth for United, who had recovered from two defeats in two at the start of Ten Hag’s debut season by winning four Premier League games on the bounce, claiming the scalps of Liverpool and Arsenal.
Roy Keane said the players should be “hugely embarrassed” and that Ten Hag and his staff would be “scratching their heads” as to what went wrong at the Etihad. It was ever thus.
The silver lining was provided by Antony, who made it two in two games to start his Red Devils career. A snip at £82m.
7) Manchester United 1-2 Fulham (February 24, 2024)
This one is less about the result – though defeat at home to Fulham isn’t great – and more about it being the moment United got their comeuppance on the back of four wins on the bounce in which they conceded 83 shots, with this game making it an even 100.
It also led Ten Hag to question the objectivity of Jamie Carragher, who claimed United “defended like a side I have never seen before” against Fulham, playing with both a low defensive block and high attacking press.
The pundit used pretty compelling evidence from the actual game to illustrate this supposed tactic of Ten Hag’s, with Fulham’s players granted free rein of the midfield for the whole game, with Alex Iwobi eventually punishing them in stoppage time.
6) Brentford 4-0 Manchester United (August 13, 2022)
4-0 down at half-time in his second game in charge having lost the first 2-1 to Brighton, Ten Hag made a triple substitution but claimed after the game that “I could have changed them all” in a sign of strength that by season’s end was one of a number of examples of why he was The Man For Manchester United, including telling Cristiano Ronaldo where to go and stripping Harry Maguire of the captaincy.
We were also perfectly willing at that stage to accept that “it’s nothing to do with tactical”, more to do with new players failing to follow said tactics. They “put the plan in the bin”, he added.
We probably would have retrieved it before now if we were him.
5) Manchester United 3-3 Coventry City [4-2 Pens] (April 21, 2024)
The most embarrassing win in Manchester United’s history has all but been forgotten as a result of their miraculous win in the final over Manchester City. They were so, so lucky to get there.
At 3-0 up, Ten Hag managed to pull near-defeat from the jaws of comfortable victory by replacing Kobbie Mainoo with Christian Eriksen, whose ability to put his foot on the ball was far outstripped by his inability to run, and Alejandro Garnacho with Antony, whose ability is far outstripped by his inability.
Ten Hag didn’t have many options – his squad has been decimated by injury – but sometimes it’s better to dismiss the urge to do something and do nothing at all: advice inappropriately followed by Ten Hag’s Manchester United players for what turned out to be the last 50 minutes of this game.
Three Coventry goals in the last 20 minutes of normal time led to extra-time, in which the Championship side were cruelly denied a landmark last-gasp victory by an incredibly tight offside.
More vigorous toe-nail cutting on Haji Wright’s part would have denied United the chance of Two Trophies In Two Seasons and therefore, surely, would have brought Ten Hag’s time at the club to an end.
MORE ON YET ANOTHER MAN UTD DEFEAT
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4) Manchester United 0-3 Bournemouth (December 9, 2023)
Manchester United marked the 10th anniversary of an all-timer of a Tweet in the most fitting way possible.
David Moyes says #mufc must improve in a number of areas, including passing, creating chances and defending.
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) December 9, 2013
If anything United were flattered by the scoreline having been schooled in their backyard and Ten Hag faced fierce criticism for his continued trust in Anthony Martial, with cheers greeting the Frenchman’s substitution soon after half-time, while boos followed the final whistle.
3) Manchester United 0-3 Tottenham (September 29, 2024)
We’re at risk of recency bias here, but the fact that it is the most recent makes it worse.
Two-and-a-bit seasons into Ten Hag’s reign, after another transfer window in which he appears to have been handed the players he wanted, now with close to a fully fit squad of those players, and there was both a clear lack of motivation among the players and no identifiable plan for how he wants his team to attack or defend. Same old, same old.
For much, much more on the latest travesty, we’ve got 16 Conclusions.
2) Crystal Palace 4-0 Manchester United (May 6, 2024)
A game that proved that without Bruno Fernandes, Manchester United are nothing – a reality they’ve actually also felt the impact of this season given it’s been the playmaker’s shadow taking to the pitch rather than the guy who has consistently flown in the face of his teammates’ mediocrity.
Anyway, they spent the entirety of this game either giving the ball away or preparing to give the ball away, with Casemiro and Christian Eriksen leaving the defence absurdly exposed to an on-fire Michael Olise while Jean-Philippe Mateta showed Rasmus Hojlund what it takes to be a Premier League striker.
It was the result that meant United set a new record for Premier League defeats, upping the ante to 14 in a season with the loss to Arsenal a week later.
1) Liverpool 7-0 Manchester United (May 5, 2023)
Had to be. Liverpool “didn’t even play that well” according to Gary Neville, who reserved both barrels for Bruno Fernandes, claiming the Manchester United captain was asking to be substituted as the goals flew in during the Red Devils’ heaviest defeat since 1931 and their joint-worst result of all time.
The mauling came on the back of an 11-game unbeaten run for United, so there were no immediate calls for Ten Hag’s head, but the 9-0 aggregate score against Liverpool the season before provided pause for thought for reasoned minds and anger among the unreasonable, serving as a sign of how far United were behind the third-best team in the Premier League for everyone.
It was the clearest indication to that point of Casemiro’s rapid decline, while Lisandro Martinez joined the Brazilian in melting in the face of some half-decent football from their bitter rivals.
