Newcastle and Nottingham Forest played out the latest ridiculous game between the rabble of teams fighting for three Champions League qualification places.
Ā
āThe first trophy is to finish in the top four,ā Arsene Wenger once said in the middle of what nerds and boffins might call a nine-year drought but was in fact an apparently silverware-laden 19 successive years of Champions League qualification.
A shiny penny for the first of nine managers realistically competing for three places who tries that one on their respective fanbase. Enzo Maresca flirted with a similar sentiment in comparable circumstances ā the aftermath of an FA Cup defeat which forced the uncomfortable supporter realisation that what they and executives think should be prioritised is often diametrically opposed ā and was pilloried for it.
But the final third of this season has placed a unique emphasis on Champions League qualification. The narrative insists that neither the Premier League title race nor relegation battle can be declared over but Arsenal, Ipswich and Southampton lack the requisite elements to make things interesting enough even when those above them open the door.
The panicked rush for the Champions League is where itās at and that Wenger anachronism has rarely felt more apt than in this dash to finish inĀ the top five.
The eight-point chasm Liverpool are struggling to enjoy and five points of breathing space Wolves are sustaining themselves on can be thrown like a blanket over about half of the league competing for a handful of spots. Any side down to 11th-placed Brentford will be checking fixture lists and allocating hypothetical points accordingly; only a fool would rule out Spurs in 12th making a late push before collapsing hilariously on the final day.
And Nottingham Forest are in the theoretical driving seat but even their position looks precarious. Successive defeats to teams chasing them down have come on the back of a 7-0 checking of another contenderās credentials, which itself followed a 5-0 collapse to a different challenger.
That run of results actually helped place Nunoās side, third in the actual league, third-bottom of a mini table of results involving games between the sides from them down to Brentford. One of the two teams behind them were Newcastle, whose own infuriating inconsistencies seem to undermine any hope of meaningful progress.
After six minutes at St Jamesā Park that certainly felt the case when their own throw resulted in a Forest goal. Jacob Murphy was caught with his back to goal and Nick Pope was detected on the other side of his goal when Callum Hudson-Odoi snatched possession and shot from outside the box.
It was not the reaction Eddie Howe sought after that humbling against Manchester City. But Newcastle were only behind for 17 minutes ā and 11 minutes after that they were 4-1 up.
Much of Forestās success this season has been in compact defending and moving forward on the counter. Against Newcastle, perhaps the only side as good at attacking in transition, they decided to press remarkably aggressively and leave vast swathes of space in behind. Once the hosts found their bearings they capitalised in relentless fashion.
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Ola Aina will not look back on the first half fondly. His foul conceded the free-kick which led to Lewis Mileyās opening goal, Jacob Murphyās unorthodox finish came from an attack down his right-hand side, Alexander Isak just about converted a penalty from his handball and Anthony Gordon dragged the Nigeria international about half a pitch out of position to help create Isakās second.
Forest were a shambles yet Newcastle inexplicably tried to outdo their tactical disasterclass in the second half, sitting back and simply trying to soak up pressure without any semblance of indication they wished to extend their lead.
Fabian Schar hit the crossbar with the gameās first shot after the break but Forest had the next seven without reply thereafter in just over half an hour. Nikola Milenkovic and Ryan Yates forced an unnerving finish but Newcastle just about held on.
It was only the second time this season Forest have lost from a winning position; Newcastle were the victors both times but ranged from ordinary to abject outside of those transformative 11 first-half minutes here.
But it was a perfect microcosm of this Champions League race, and some of the truly ridiculous results between the teams in it:
Forest have beaten Brighton, lost 5-0 to Bournemouth and had the double done on them by Newcastle and Fulham.
Manchester City won comfortably against Forest and Newcastle but lost to Bournemouth, Aston Villa and Brighton.
Newcastle hammered Villa but conceded four in defeat to Manchester City, Bournemouth and Brentford.
Bournemouth put five past Forest and four past Newcastle but lost to Chelsea.
Chelsea have beaten and lost to both Aston Villa and Brighton.
Aston Villa won deservedly against Manchester City and Chelsea but lost equally convincingly to Chelsea and Newcastle.
Brighton have suffered heavy defeats to Forest, Chelsea and Fulham but won at St Jamesā Park and Dean Court.
Fulham have done the double over both Forest and Newcastle but were poor in defeat to Villa.
Brentford have beaten both Newcastle and Bournemouth but lost or drawn with everyone else.
These are stupid teams playing for a stupidly lucrative prize and it is showing.
And whileĀ āthe first trophy is to finish in the top four,ā it is wonderful that eight of those nine teams still have an actual trophy to play for and thus competitions to juggle: Forest, Manchester City, Bournemouth, Aston Villa, Brighton and Fulham have a rare genuine chance to win the FA Cup, Newcastle have eyes on both that and the Carabao Cup final in their bid for the most plastic of all Trebles, and Chelsea are busy googling their Europa Conference opponents.
All eyes on Brentford, basically.