England are back in the Nations League big time after securing promotion from League B with a 5-0 win over Ireland that ended in joyous account-opening comfort as four players scored their first England goals after Harry Kane had scored his 69th.
But it had been pretty dicey before Kane and Bellingham combined so devastatingly for that much-needed opener at Wembley.
JORDAN PICKFORD
A key figure in England’s very good win over Greece with some very big saves at some very important times. Much less important here. Which you can probably tell by the way we’re mainly talking about his effort in the other game. He’d earned a nice quiet one, to be fair.
TINO LIVRAMENTO
No great surprise to see Lee Carsley turn to several of his Under-21 lads during his six-game tenure as England boss, but even we have to admire the sheer commitment to the bit. There was a fair bit of stuff outside his control, but handing out eight England caps in a six-game run does feel a bit like Liz Truss’ resignation honours’ list even if that is wildly unfair on both Carsley and those he has capped.
Nevertheless, a fun game in the future might be tracking the final tally of total caps Carsley’s Boys end up accruing. Livramento did absolutely fine in a game where England were only very occasionally pressed into meaningful defensive service. If he does go on to win a significant number of further caps, few will be more straightforward.
LEWIS HALL
Left-footed left-backs ftw. Really isn’t hard at all, this: there is almost never any justification for picking any half-decent right-back over any half-decent left-back, and England have been bafflingly determined not to accept this truth for far too long. How far Hall can go in the game remains to be seen, but the really quite obvious thing we should all be happy to accept is this: if he is the best specialist left-back available to England at any given moment that is absolutely fine and he should absolutely play if this comes up next year after Thomas Tuchel can be bothered to show up.
KYLE WALKER
Never has been and never will be a confidence-inspiring selection in a central two and was very occasionally caught out by Ireland’s very occasional first-half forays. We still marvel at the witchcraft of his still ridiculous recovery pace. He really has never had to learn a single lesson from any (footballing) mistake he’s ever made, has he?
Also got his head on two corners in succession in the first half. Could have opened up a gap on the four players who would subsequently join him on one England goal.
MARC GUEHI
Could easily have conceded a first-half penalty, which would have been an awkward one to explain given the overall lightness of workload.
CONOR GALLAGHER
Scored from close range which we thought would be the height of England’s second-half p*ss-taking, but then decided to try and be Erik Lamela with a Rabona that was funny but not particularly effective.
CURTIS JONES
A far easier game than Greece. Jones had a far easier game here, but thus less chance to show the personal and footballing growth he displayed in that game, which he started awkwardly but finished enormously impressively. But he’s put himself firmly in that midfield conversation where a place still remains there for the claiming alongside Declan Rice when Thomas Tuchel takes over.
NONI MADUEKE
Frustrating in a different way to Gordon during that first half, showing greater willingness to actually try to get in behind the stubborn Ireland defensive line but then not quite having the wherewithal to do the right things having got there. Was definitely less effective than against Greece, even after Ireland were reduced to 10 and lost the entire run of themselves.
JUDE BELLINGHAM
He’s had a very good international break after a difficult spell. The pass from Kane was the attention-grabber in the penalty incident, but Bellingham’s touch that left Liam Scales with nowhere to go but a foul that would lead inevitably to a penalty and a red card was superb.
Assisted Jarrod Bowen’s goal about three seconds after the West Ham man’s introduction and then produced an even better ball to set up Taylor Harwood-Bellis’ cherry-on-top header.
ANTHONY GORDON
A deeply frustrating first half that summed up England’s ponderous attacking stylings. Struggling to find a route through on England’s left, Gordon was too often guilty of taking conservative options involving cutting inside or going back. There’s a place for that, especially in England football, but if Gordon is going to play for England then it needs to be his way. And that is far, far more dynamic.
Much better, inevitably, after the break, making his game-settling goal look far easier than it was as England took full advantage of Ireland’s post-red confusion and befuddlement before any reorganisation could take place. It was the sort of situation-exploiting goal that instinctively feels like it only ever happens against you and ever for you, so that was nice.
HARRY KANE
A first half to show why people grumble about Kane and wonder whether he should really be England’s starting striker, and then one game-breaking moment early in the second to show why he really probably still is. Ireland had frustrated England pretty much flawlessly throughout a first half in which Kane was a peripheral, lumbering influence. Then, with 51 minutes on the clock, on a trademark pundit-baiting wandering away from his centre-forward station, Kane produced the kind of defence-splitting pass that few would see and even fewer could execute. Bellingham duly won a penalty, Ireland went a man down and then a goal down as Kane converted his latest goal that does not count.
We have our fun there, of course, but what’s particularly good there is that this really will look like a goal that doesn’t mean much: a penalty in a 5-0 win ranking very high on the stat-pad-o-meter. But while we can’t be entirely sure how those last 40 minutes might have played out without Kane finding that pass, we can be reasonably confident it would have been more stressful than the procession that followed.
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SUBSTITUTES
TAYLOR HARWOOD-BELLIS (for Walker, 62′)
A very pleasant time to make an international debut, and then topped it with a towering headed goal from a peach of a Bellingham cross to set up all manner of banters about his future father-in-law hahahahaha.
MORGAN ROGERS (for Gordon, 75′)
A less visible impact than the other subs but definitely ought to have a future at this level.
JARROD BOWEN (for Madueke, 75′)
Thirty seconds after coming on he was smacking home his first England goal in fine style, one of four players to achieve that feat tonight. Scoring a first England goal, that is. None of the others managed to do it within 30 seconds, and should hang their heads in shame.
DOMINIC SOLANKE (for Gallagher, 75′)
Nearly but not quite for the Tottenham man as he had to watch all manner of other people collect their first international goal while his wait goes on.
ANGEL GOMES (for Jones, 79′)
Coming on at 5-0 up with 10 minutes to go and still managing to get booked for stopping short a forlorn counter-attack is admirable commitment to the bit.
